How and When to Say No

Taking the Selfish Out of No

“Your yes means nothing if you can’t say no.” – Meshell Ndegeocollo

I was the kind of person often found running around like a chicken with its head cut off, racing from one thing to the next. I would leave my dorm at 6:48am and get back between 10:30-11pm to unpack both my gym clothes and my work uniform I had packed in my backpack for that day. Every hour of my day was scheduled out. I was always running somewhere, and usually running five minutes late.

The to-do list was never-ending. And I just kept adding to it.

Silly me. If you want a to do list to ever end, you have to stop adding to it.

Duh!

Over time, I’ve begun to have a slow revelation or sorts. A combination of ideas are in the process of melding together in my brain, like the crayons under heat. So here are the thoughts.

I need to stop saying yes.

Just because I am capable does not mean I should.

Stepping down can allow others to step up.

And do this all while prioritizing my relationships so those close to me know I would drop anything in a second to help them.

It’s a teetering balance that rarely feels like it’s perfectly weighted. But that’s just life. It’s an art.

I was praying with this a few weeks ago. Contemplating on how I hate turning people down. How I’m afraid if I say no, people will think I don’t value my friendship with them. Especially as my friendships are one of the most important things to me, so the thought of not giving them enough attention makes me feel awful.

Low and behold I open scripture to a random passage and what is the second paragraph I read?

^“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

-Galatians 1:10

And this was right after I was explaining to a sister that it felt like scripture doesn’t speak to me.

Gotta love God’s timing.

Stop Saying Yes

The other day the thought occurred to me that I was not running my life, but my life was running me. It felt like I didn’t have time to do the things that were truly important to me because I was too busy doing the things that were important to everyone else.

And I didn’t want to do that anymore.

And God wants us to be holistically well. He wants our minds, bodies, and souls to be filled, something we can’t do if we are running on other people’s agendas.

Furthermore, the more we say no, the stronger and more meaningful our yes becomes. Saying no to the right things creates room to say yes to the important things. This then helps create effective, fulfilling lives in accordance with God’s plan. So switch your perspective from no as a bad thing to it being a way to align ourselves more with God.

Just because my roommates are staying up late to watch a movie doesn’t mean I need to. If I go to bed that doesn’t mean I don’t love them.

Just because the college Newman Center is hosting a free meal doesn’t mean I need to go. There will be other people who can welcome newcomers. The world does not revolve around me and I’m quite simply, much less important than I think I am.

Things like these are lessons I’ve been learning oh so slowly, but every time I take a step in the right direction, the closer I feel I am to freedom of living in the way God designed me to.

Because in reality, I am capable of a lot. If I had unlimited time, there is SO much I would do.

Just Because I Can Doesn’t Mean I Should

So just because I don’t have something scheduled into my Thursday night does not mean when Jeanie asked if anyone can drive her to Walmart does not mean I should drive her to Walmart.

Now I know I might be coming across as selfish sounding, or just plain mean. But truly, maybe more so for bigger situations then smaller situations, take the time to pray on it. My friend Ronnie always says “Let me pray on it” before making a decision to the point I’ll ask her if she wants to any meatballs and she will use that response as a joke.

If I Don’t Nobody Will

And lastly, the lie that if you don’t do it nobody will. In the book Soul of the Apostolate, Pope Leo XIII is quoted saying in response to a  religious sister’s question of if her order should

“…sacrifice the religious life in order to continue teaching, or abandon their active work in order to keep their status of religious life.” His answer was promptly this, “…if you cannot keep both your life of prayer and your active work, God will find a way to raise up other workers, in France if they are necessary.”

While your calling may not be a cloistered sister, the idea that God will provide the workers for something if it is necessary applies. Taking on an obligation out of guilt is silly, but we do it all the time.

Disclaimer:

GOD MIGHT BE CALLING YOU TO TAKE ON THAT RESPONSIBILITY. That is why prayer and discernment are so important. This is not an excuse to spend more time scrolling on Instagram, or to not give of yourself. Your conscience will make things clear.

So if you got anything from this jumble of words, I want it to be this.

Add the words “no: to your vocabulary. It can be a nice, “sorry I don’t feel like this is what God is calling me to right now,” just  make it honest.

Start saying, “Let me pray on that and get back to you next week.” Maybe not over if you want a serving of meatballs, but over particularly important or time consuming things.

So my challenge to you today is to say no to something this week. Not as an excuse, but as a way of freeing yourself for God’s will.

I’ll be praying for you,

Xoxo

Rory😊